The cosmic subtraction problem

Consider two situations: you die tomorrow, or you live for a certain number of years and then die. Using algebra, you can represent the first case as “D” (for death), and the second as “L + D” (for life plus death). If you want to know the difference between those situations, you perform the cosmic subtraction: (L+D) - D = L. "D" drops out of the equation. You are left with "L": your life. But whatever the value of "L", all such expressions have a "D" in them. Being as young and healthy as a person can be might call for an "L" of 100, but the "D" is still there in "100 + D". It is hard to keep the view of life as "L + D" firmly in mind. A more common actual view of life is "L + d", where the lowercase "d" is something like, "well, sure, I'm not going to live forever", or "L + ..." as in "I'm going to live for the indefinite future".

Whimsical algebraic formulations aside, death is inevitable. Contemplating one's own death elicits complicated emotional, intellectual, and spiritual reactions. They are usually unpleasant reactions, so we avoid the contemplation until death is within view. However, avoiding the issue can lead us away from seeing the world clearly. I suggest that there is no reason other than procrastination why we can't do our contemplation homework 20 or 50 years in advance. We are not going to gather any new data about "D" merely by letting the years go by. Working on it soon is prudent, since we never know when there might be a pop quiz -- or final exam. On the other hand, carrying on with this investigation isn't very healthy either -- obsession can get in the way of enjoying life. There's a lot to be said for writing the (metaphorical or literal) paper and storing it on the shelf. We might take a fresh look at it every few years, but mostly we can ignore the contents as long as we keep in mind that it is there.

If we keep the inevitability of “D” in mind, then what matters most is the years of living and what we do with them. People who lose track of it are apt to be more comfortable in wasting time. We see this in the common reaction of people when death's reality rudely confronts them, through a friend's death, a death narrowly averted, or a terminal illness. They regret wasting time and encourage others to keep the important things in mind.

There are other consequences to losing track of "D". Consider our reactions to fatal and nonfatal injustices. If the result is death, I sense that the outrage we feel is tinged with a qualitatively different touch of mystical dread. If someone survives after a lengthy unjust imprisonment, or has been maimed, or has been tortured, we are angry, but it is missing that extra dimension. We tally up the American losses in Iraq by counting the dead, not those who have suffered terrible injuries. The "death" part of an injustice gets a bit stronger reaction than it deserves, and the nonfatal parts get less. Murder shortens "L", it doesn't create a new "D" that was not already in the victim's future.

Denial of death is a fundamental roadblock to getting health care costs under control. When someone says to the doctor, “I demand the most advanced treatment available to try to save my father's life”, it's hard to feel comfortable saying no. If phrased as “I demand the most advanced treatment available if it can on average prolong my father's life by an extra month of a mediocre quality of life” it's easier to weigh the costs and benefits. The very concept of "saving a life" invites us to deny death. You can never truly save a life, you can only prolong it.

One perhaps odd way of putting it is that whenever you do get around to dying, you are saving yourself the trouble of dying later.

My attempts to not procrastinate in figuring out the significance of "D" leave me pretty much scratching my head; my paper on the shelf certainly doesn't deserve a high mark. But I don't think that further study will improve it much -- at least not this decade.

I don't claim to live my own life fully in accord with these ideals -- what I write of here is an ideal I think I see, not one I live up to. Meanwhile, I am continually amazed by "L": the complexity, the wonder, the love, the humor. Existence is amazing and wonderful.


Notes:

1. What I mean by "D" is some constellation of issues pertaining to not existing any more, not whatever tail ends of life (the "dying") precede it.

2. Surely the calculus is different for anyone who believes not only in an afterlife but that the fundamental character of that afterlife varies depending on how we live.